Most Dangerous Man in the Universe

BY JOHN FEEHERY

I love those Dos Equis commercials, where an older, bearded Spanish
guy is seen cavorting with beautiful women, conquering the most
challenging challenges, doing the most fascinating things.

Here are some reasons why he is the most interesting man in the world
according to a website that tracks these things:

– Police often question him, just because they find him interesting.
– His beard alone has experienced more than a lesser mans body.
– His blood smells like cologne.
– He has amassed an amazingly large DVD collection, and has never once
alphabetized it.
– If he were to mail a letter without postage, it would still get there.
– The pheromones he secretes effect people miles away… in a slight,
but measurable way.
– He once punched a magician. That’s right, you heard me.

He is the most interesting man in the world, according to the ad, and
when he drinks beer, he drinks Dos Equis.

If the most interesting man in the world were to come to New York
City, he would meet the most dangerous man in the world. And that man
is Michael Bloomberg, the mayor of the Big Apple.

Michael Bloomberg doesn’t look dangerous. He is diminutive. He is
slight. As far as I know, he isn’t a black belt in karate and he
doesn’t pack a 357.

New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg delivers his budget address in
the Blue Room at City Hall. REUTERS/Craig Warga/Pool
But to anybody who wants to enjoy life or more importantly, make their
own choices or have a bit of freedom, Bloomberg is undoubtedly the
most dangerous man in the world.

And he is coming after the most interesting man in the world. All in
the name of public health, of course.

To get a decent donut, according to one cop in NYC, you have to travel
to New Jersey. Why? Well, because King Michael has banned good tasting
donuts. Not good for you, he has harrumphed.

Next, he is going after Pepsi. He doesn’t think Pepsi or Coke or Root
Beer is good for you, so he asking the federal government to give him
the authority to use all of his powers to stop poor people from
drinking a Coke. Bad for the waistline, don’t you see?

We can’t let poor people drink Coke. That is why they are all fat, is
the implication.

What a bunch of crap.

I am not from New York and I don’t live in New York, but I know how
this goes. Bloomberg comes up with some innovation to take away
freedom from people, and pretty soon, we all are facing some city
restriction on what we can eat, what we can drink, what we can do with
our private lives.

I was stopped at a red light in my car, and I happened to pick up my
blackberry to see if I got any messages. I wasn’t texting. I wasn’t
talking. I wasn’t driving. I was looking. One of DC’s rent- a-cops
tapped on my window and told me that if I do that again, I was going
to get a hundred dollar fine.

That sounds like some kind of law that Michael Bloomberg would come up
with.

Personal freedom is important to the American people. They want the
government to stay the hell out of their lives. They certainly don’t
want politicians like Michael Bloomberg telling them that they can’t
have a decent donut or drink a coke.

What’s next? I will tell what’s next. Bloomberg is going to tell you
that you can’t drink Dos Equis beer. Light beer only in the Big Apple.

I can only imagine what the most interesting man in the world would
say about that.

Editor’s note: John Feehery worked for former House Speaker Dennis Hastert and other Republicans in Congress. He is president of Feehery Group, a Washington-based advocacy.